You Feel That It’s Not Right… But Your Body Says No

You stand there. Your hands slightly tense, your heartbeat just a little too fast. You feel it in every fiber of your being. This isn’t right. This isn’t what your child needs.

But you say nothing.

Your lips remain pressed together, your breathing becomes shallow, and while your mind races with a thousand things to say, nothing comes out.

You hear yourself think: Just leave it. This will be uncomfortable.

Logically, you know you could have spoken up. That it was your right. But somewhere deep inside, it feels safer to stay silent.

You recognize this pattern. This isn’t the first time you’ve felt your voice stuck inside you, holding yourself back, even when it comes to your own child. Later, it lingers in your mind. Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you ignore your own feelings? Why does speaking up feel like such an impossible task?

You know you’re not alone in this. So many mothers feel the same way. The hesitation, the inability to find the words, the fear of saying the wrong thing. But what you may not realize is that this isn’t just a struggle. This is a survival mechanism deeply rooted in your body, one that formed long before you can consciously remember why.

---

### When Authenticity and Attachment Collide

Gabor Maté describes how children are born with two fundamental needs: the need for attachment and the need for authenticity.

Attachment is essential for survival. A baby is entirely dependent on care and protection. They only feel safe when there is a deep connection with the adults around them.

Authenticity is just as vital. It is the ability to feel what we feel, say what we want to say, and act from our true self. It is the essence of who we are.

But in the world we grow up in, we quickly learn that these two do not always go hand in hand.

A child who cries and hears, “Stop being dramatic,” learns that their emotions are too much.

A child who says no and is forced to comply, “Don’t be difficult,” learns that their boundaries don’t matter.

A child who speaks up and is ignored begins to feel that their voice has no value.

Slowly but surely, the child learns that it is safer to adapt than to be themselves.

Because when forced to choose between staying true to themselves or maintaining connection with others, the child will always choose attachment.

A child cannot survive without love.

But they can survive by abandoning themselves.

And that is exactly what happens.

The child discovers that it’s easier to suppress emotions, to behave as expected, to not be "too much." They become a chameleon. They adjust. They lose touch with their own truth.

Until one day, they grow up to be an adult who knows exactly what their child needs, who deeply senses when something isn’t right—and yet remains silent.

Not because they don’t know how to speak.

But because they once learned that staying silent was safer than speaking.

---

### The Traces Left in the Body

In The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk explains how trauma and a lack of safety do not only exist as memories in our minds but are stored deep within our bodies.

It’s not just about what we consciously remember.

It’s about what our body has learned.

Maybe you don’t even rationally recall how often your emotions were dismissed as a child.

Maybe you don’t remember how often your ‘no’ was ignored.

Maybe you have no clear memory of the moments when you began to silence yourself.

But your body remembers.

It recognizes the patterns. And the moment you find yourself in a similar situation again—when you feel the need to speak up—your nervous system reacts as if you were still that little child.

Your body still senses the danger.

That’s why your breath catches.

That’s why your muscles tighten.

That’s why the words don’t come.

Not because you can’t speak.

But because your nervous system believes it’s not safe to.

This is why willpower alone doesn’t work. This is why forcing yourself to be braver only creates more tension.

Your body is still living in the past.

---

### How Do You Reclaim Your Voice?

The solution does not lie in trying harder. It’s not about pushing yourself. It’s about creating safety—first within yourself.

It starts with reclaiming the parts of yourself that you once left behind. The parts that learned their voice wasn’t welcome. The parts that believed they were too much. The parts that shrank to maintain belonging.

It starts with gentleness.

With relearning that your ‘no’ matters.

That your feelings and boundaries are important.

That you are allowed to take up space.

And just as you would speak to your child when they are afraid, you can now speak to yourself:

"I hear you. I hear how scary this feels. You don’t have to do this alone."

"It’s okay to be afraid. I am here. I will stay with you."

"You once learned that staying silent was safer. Thank you for protecting me."

"But we are safe now. We are grown. I can take care of us."

Little by little, you begin to find your voice again.

Not through fighting.

Not through forcing.

But by gently rediscovering that being yourself and staying connected can exist together.

---

### How to Speak Without Conflict

When you start to reconnect with your needs, the next question arises: how do you express them without fear or conflict?

Marshall Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication, also known as Compassionate Communication, a method that helps us express our feelings and needs without blaming others or apologizing for ourselves.

By following four steps—observation, feeling, need, and request—we can communicate in a way that honors both ourselves and the other person.

This means we no longer have to choose between staying silent or going into battle. There is a third path—a path where we stand firm, without conflict.

And when we practice this, we don’t just learn how to reclaim our own voice… we also show our children that boundaries and connection can exist together.

---

### Do You Want to Go Deeper?

This process takes time. Softness. And sometimes, support.

In Mama’s in Unity, we practice together how to use your voice in a way that feels safe and empowering.

In More Than Mama, we go deeper. We heal the parts of you that freeze or disappear in the moment.

If something in you resonates with this, you are welcome.

💌 www.lindelambrechts.be

📩 Instagram: @lindelambrechts

Plan your free micro sessie to see if we are a fit.

More Than Mama -Traject

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You stand there. Your hands slightly tense, your heartbeat just a little too fast. You feel it in every fiber of your being. *This isn’t right. This isn’t what your child needs.*

But you say nothing.

Your lips remain pressed together, your breathing becomes shallow, and while your mind races with a thousand things to say, nothing comes out.

You hear yourself think: *Just leave it. This will be uncomfortable.*

Logically, you know you could have spoken up. That it was your right. But somewhere deep inside, it feels safer to stay silent.

---

### **When Authenticity and Attachment Collide**

Gabor Maté describes how children are born with two fundamental needs: the need for **attachment** and the need for **authenticity**.

Attachment is essential for survival. A baby is entirely dependent on care and protection. They only feel safe when there is a deep connection with the adults around them.

Authenticity is just as vital. It is the ability to feel what we feel, say what we want to say, and act from our true self. It is the essence of who we are.

But in the world we grow up in, we quickly learn that these two do not always go hand in hand.

A child who cries and hears, *“Stop being dramatic,”* learns that their emotions are too much.

A child who says no and is forced to comply, *“Don’t be difficult,”* learns that their boundaries don’t matter.

A child who speaks up and is ignored begins to feel that their voice has no value.

Slowly but surely, the child learns that **it is safer to adapt than to be themselves**.

Because when forced to choose between staying true to themselves or maintaining connection with others, the child will always choose attachment.

A child cannot survive without love.

But they can survive by abandoning themselves.

And that is exactly what happens.

The child discovers that it’s easier to suppress emotions, to behave as expected, to not be "too much." They become a chameleon. They adjust. They lose touch with their own truth.

Until one day, they grow up to be an adult who knows exactly what their child needs, who deeply senses when something isn’t right—and yet remains silent.

Not because they don’t know how to speak.

But because they once learned that staying silent was safer than speaking.

---

### **The Traces Left in the Body**

In *The Body Keeps the Score*, Bessel van der Kolk explains how trauma and a lack of safety do not only exist as memories in our minds but are stored deep within our bodies.

It’s not just about what we consciously remember.

It’s about what our body has learned.

Maybe you don’t even rationally recall how often your emotions were dismissed as a child.

Maybe you don’t remember how often your ‘no’ was ignored.

Maybe you have no clear memory of the moments when you began to silence yourself.

But your body remembers.

It recognizes the patterns. And the moment you find yourself in a similar situation again—when you feel the need to speak up—your nervous system reacts as if you were still that little child.

Your body still senses the danger.

That’s why your breath catches.

That’s why your muscles tighten.

That’s why the words don’t come.

Not because you **can’t** speak.

But because your nervous system believes it’s not safe to.

This is why **willpower alone doesn’t work**. This is why **forcing yourself to be braver** only creates more tension.

Your body is still living in the past.

---

### **How Do You Reclaim Your Voice?**

The solution does not lie in trying harder. It’s not about pushing yourself. It’s about **creating safety—first within yourself**.

It starts with reclaiming the parts of yourself that you once left behind. The parts that learned their voice wasn’t welcome. The parts that believed they were too much. The parts that shrank to maintain belonging.

It starts with gentleness.

With relearning that your ‘no’ matters.

That your feelings and boundaries are important.

That you are allowed to take up space.

And just as you would speak to your child when they are afraid, you can now speak to yourself:

*"I hear you. I hear how scary this feels. You don’t have to do this alone."*

*"It’s okay to be afraid. I am here. I will stay with you."*

*"You once learned that staying silent was safer. Thank you for protecting me."*

*"But we are safe now. We are grown. I can take care of us."*

Little by little, you begin to find your voice again.

Not through fighting.

Not through forcing.

But by gently rediscovering that **being yourself and staying connected can exist together**.

---

### **How to Speak Without Conflict**

When you start to reconnect with your needs, the next question arises: **how do you express them without fear or conflict?**

Marshall Rosenberg developed *Nonviolent Communication*, also known as **Compassionate Communication**, a method that helps us express our feelings and needs without blaming others or apologizing for ourselves.

By following four steps—observation, feeling, need, and request—we can communicate in a way that honors both ourselves and the other person.

This means we no longer have to choose between **staying silent or going into battle**. There is a third path—a path where we stand firm, without conflict.

And when we practice this, we don’t just learn how to **reclaim our own voice**… we also show our children that **boundaries and connection can exist together**.

---

### **Do You Want to Go Deeper?**

This process takes time. Softness. And sometimes, support.

In *Mama’s in Unity*, we practice together how to use your voice in a way that feels safe and empowering.

In *More Than Mama*, we go deeper. We heal the parts of you that freeze or disappear in the moment.

If something in you resonates with this, you are welcome.

💌 www.lindelambrechts.be

📩 Instagram: @lindelambrechts

Plan your free micro sessie to see if we are a fit.

Comments

You stand there. Your hands slightly tense, your heartbeat just a little too fast. You feel it in every fiber of your being. This isn’t right. This isn’t what your child needs.

You hear yourself think: Just leave it. This will be uncomfortable.

### When Authenticity and Attachment Collide

Gabor Maté describes how children are born with two fundamental needs: the need for attachment and the need for authenticity.

A child who cries and hears, “Stop being dramatic,” learns that their emotions are too much.

A child who says no and is forced to comply, “Don’t be difficult,” learns that their boundaries don’t matter.

Slowly but surely, the child learns that it is safer to adapt than to be themselves.

### The Traces Left in the Body

In The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk explains how trauma and a lack of safety do not only exist as memories in our minds but are stored deep within our bodies.

Not because you can’t speak.

This is why willpower alone doesn’t work. This is why forcing yourself to be braver only creates more tension.

### How Do You Reclaim Your Voice?

The solution does not lie in trying harder. It’s not about pushing yourself. It’s about creating safety—first within yourself.

"I hear you. I hear how scary this feels. You don’t have to do this alone."

"It’s okay to be afraid. I am here. I will stay with you."

"You once learned that staying silent was safer. Thank you for protecting me."

"But we are safe now. We are grown. I can take care of us."

But by gently rediscovering that being yourself and staying connected can exist together.

### How to Speak Without Conflict

When you start to reconnect with your needs, the next question arises: how do you express them without fear or conflict?

Marshall Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication, also known as Compassionate Communication, a method that helps us express our feelings and needs without blaming others or apologizing for ourselves.

This means we no longer have to choose between staying silent or going into battle. There is a third path—a path where we stand firm, without conflict.

And when we practice this, we don’t just learn how to reclaim our own voice… we also show our children that boundaries and connection can exist together.

### Do You Want to Go Deeper?

In Mama’s in Unity, we practice together how to use your voice in a way that feels safe and empowering.

In More Than Mama, we go deeper. We heal the parts of you that freeze or disappear in the moment.